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« rebeccalynne123 » wrote: Girls are like internet domain names...
The ones I like are already taken.
So good I had to tweet it!  
(but changed out women for men, because I am a woman
who likes men, that are usally already taken!  )
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Age: 62
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away
I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
Always do whatever's next.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done
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Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers
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Well its not really a one liner but It made me laugh so I thought I dpost it here in the good ol' joke contest...
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Age: 54
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*What do you call a fish with no eye?
"A fsh"
*What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
"Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear"
*What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
"DAMN"!
*Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
"He was charged with battery"
*Why do gerillas have big nostralls?
"Coz they got big fingers"!!!!!!!!!
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Age: 54
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« TDTAT » wrote: voodookitty, AWESOME!!! Tweeting some of those now 
COOL!!!
While you're doing that....
I'll go to get my coffee at Starbucks and stop at the doughnut shop for a
custard filled chocolate bar (and, possible a cinnamon twist, too..  )!
And... I'll have more one liners for you, when I return (  I think)
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Age: 65
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call the psychic hotline from your cellphone ask them to see what floor im on,
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Age: 65
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mental health helpline. hello welcome to mental health helpline,if you are obsessive complusive conclusive.press 1. if you are codependent press2,if you have multipal personalties press 3 4 5 6.if you are parnoid we know what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call,.if you are delusional, press 7 and you will be transfered to the mother ship,
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Age: 54
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« TDTAT » wrote: voodookitty, I want a low fat blueberry muffin from Starbucks please... keep the doughnuts
Why did you think I had these contests? For fun? LOL I need tweeting material 
Okay,
I think either, they were out of 'lowfat' blueberry muffins or I just forgot to look for them!!!!!
Because, I still ended up at the doughnut shop... and, came home with 2
doughnuts. (would have been 3, had I not eaten one on the way home!)
These are 'clean' one liners... (if you want not so clean.. send me a request, via pm )
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.
Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.
Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. About two - if they're thinly sliced.
Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.
Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
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voodookitty, please post the non clean one liners IMMEDIATELY.. 
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voodookitty, Deal! I am not shy and everyone already knows I am crazy! 
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Don't think I'm not religious... I have studied most religions & believe them all just to be safe & cover the spread. #religion
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Via an anonymous member whose name starts with v...
*Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
*How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
*A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
*Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.
*Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!
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