CLOSED Best Joke Contest *WIN $15 FREE@ Sloto'Cash- rukus

Posted:01.10.2007, 03:55

A Scotsman walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100? "Are you nuts?!!!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I ' m not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the Scotsman runs around the next block and faces her again ; "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars; Ok, just once, but not here. Let ' s go to that dark alley over there ."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", says the Scotsman... "Costs too much..."

Posted:01.10.2007, 08:23

A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on. she stopped in the hair salon and asked for a hair cut. she instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones.

the stylist replied "no" so the blond left. she went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied "ok".

after a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, "breath in, breath out!!

Posted:01.10.2007, 08:29

nobody sends me jokes anymore. All I had was that really cute but funny kitty cat video my daughter got from you tube.

....

Expired Link. Check out our Casino Bonus Forum for a list of current bonuses.

Posted:01.10.2007, 08:38

I am not sure if this will work but my Sister In-law sent me some funny pictures.

Posted:01.10.2007, 14:16

Boiled Brains

Milagros Esteves was a fine girl, but not too bright. One day she got asked a date by one guy she really liked, so on the day of the date she wanted to look pretty.
The day came but she never showed up and as days went by her boy decided to pay her a visit in order to know what happened. Telephone calls didn't work so he went to her home and after waiting for an answer he decided to take a look inside from the back part of the house which had a window to the kitchen only to find out his date laying on the kitchen's floor.

When police arrived they could reconstruct the girls last moments. As time for the meeting came closer Milagros noticed her hair was still too wet to be combed so an idea struck her mind. She would go to the kitchen, get a knife, head for the microwave oven, open its door, falsely lock the door in order to keep it open and dry her hair by placing her head inside the oven.

Doctors diagnosed death by boiled brain.

Posted:01.10.2007, 19:02

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My daring,' he whispers, 'I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. You juss ask... So... Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try something I have heard about from other girls... Numbaa 69.'

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...

'You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegetable?'

acct# adibened

Posted:01.10.2007, 23:14

One Sunday morning Polly goes to visit her grandparents, her grandmother is 90 and her grandfather is 95.......As she approaches the house her grandmother comes running to her and says, "Oh dear Polly, your grandpa is dead!" Polly immediately starts crying and asks what happened to him........her grandmother says,"We were having sex and he died!"
"You were having sex at your age?" Polly asked......."Yes " replied the grandmother........"We did it every Sunday morning while the Church Bells were ringing it was............Ding IN..........Dong OUT.......and everything would have been just fine if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along"

Posted:03.10.2007, 03:19

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good- bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said.

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and Filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff."

Posted:03.10.2007, 14:44

Its pretty sad when drugstores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to buy their - much needed - prescriptions but a healthy person can buy their cigarettes in the front!!

Its pretty sad when banks leave both front doors open but chain their pens to the counters!

Its pretty sad when a pizza is delivered to your house faster than an ambulance!!!!

I mean - ain't it???

HaHa
have a great day - thanks for the contest NLN.
Rae

Ok - 2 more

A woman stays out all night and the next morning tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriends apartment all night so the HUSBAND calls 10 of her very best friends to which none of them confirm that.

A man stays out all night and the next morning tells his wife the he stayed at his buddies house all night so the WIFE calls ten of his best friends - 5 confirm it was true and the other 5 are claiming he is still with them.

Ok - NEW DIET - by a leading Cardiologist

If it tastes good - spit it out!!

Ok - I'm done.

Posted:05.10.2007, 01:28

EEP... alotta labor involved in judging this contest... a ton or reading. I'll save you some time and give ya a short one....

Why did the worker get fired from the Orange Juice Factory?

______

Because he couldn't concentrate.

______

slotocash acct: joker05

Posted:05.10.2007, 08:18

: A married couple are in their home naked about to make love when a bugler enters and takes the 2 hostage tying them to separate chairs across the room from each other. the husband sees the guy whisper something to his wife before leaving them alone in the room, when he's gone the husband says " listen honey this guy is probably an escaped con and has not touched a woman for who knows how long, so whatever he asks just do it and please him and we'll get through this honey just be strong ok? I love you. " and the wife says actually, he whispered to me that he's gay and he thinks you're cute and wanted to know if we have any Vaseline so I told him it was in the bathroom so you just be strong honey I love you."

**Moderator**

omggggggggggggg

Posted:06.10.2007, 22:32

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back
as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but
sleep for six
months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I
could deal
with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the
size of
walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute
cuddly
cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat
anyone
who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat
them too. I
could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He
EXPECTS
that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup...gonna be a bear.

Almost forgot to put casino ID which is also : webdeb

Thanks for a very funny contest.

**Moderator**

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Posted:09.10.2007, 08:01

OJ Simpson dies and goes to hell. The devil greets him and tells him there's a problem. "You need to stay here O.J. but we are out of room. So here's what we're going to do. I will take you around and show you some "personalized hells." You choose which one you think will best suit you for eternity and when you deceide I will let one person leave so that you can take their place." O.J. is nervous, but agrees. They go to the first room. Inside is a dominatrix whipping the crap out of this guy. "oh no, I can't spend eternity being beaten" so they move on. Next room has a man running around and around a track while some guy on the side lines times him. "oh man with my football injuries there is just no way I could go through eternity doing this" So they move on to the next room. Now in this room, Bill Clinton is lying on a bed and Monica Lewinski is doing the "lewinski" on him over and over and over again. O.J. thinks welll now this isn't such a terrible way to spend eternity, so he tells the devil he has made his choice, and this is for him. "Are you sure?' the devil asks him, reminding him that eternity is a long, long time. O.J. says yes, so the devil says"ok, since this is for you then go on in." As O.J. enters the room the devil says "ok Monica, you can leave now!!!"