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Age: 59
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There was a Daddy Tomatoe, Mommy Tomatoe and A Baby Tomatoe they were going for a walk. Baby tomatoe fell behind and got futher behind with time. This made Daddy tomatoe angry and mad. Daddy tomatoe went back to Baby tomatoe and started beating him and yelling ketchup........
Last edited by Nerak1 on 01.10.2007, 00:09; edited 1 time in total
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ACC#slotmom
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."
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Age: 73
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ACC#slotmom
....
Expired Link. Check out our Casino Bonus Forum for a list of current bonuses.
> : Warning of Virus If You Were Born B4 1965
> I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the
> most
> advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
> It
> appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965.
>
>
>
> Symptoms:
>
> 1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. [Done that!]
>
> 2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail! [That too!]
>
> 3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. [Yep!]
>
> 4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. [Who
> me?]
>
> 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. [Well fooey!]
>
> 6. Causes you to hit 'SEND' before you've finished. [Oh no - not
> again!]
>
> 7. Causes you to hit 'DELETE' instead of 'SEND.' [and I just hate
> that!]
>
> 8. Causes you to hit 'SEND' when you should 'DELETE.' [Oh No!]
>
>
>
> IT IS CALLED THE 'C-NILE VIRUS.'
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 Oh no now I know whats wrong with me lol...
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Age: 59
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| (No subject) |
Age: 59
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A fable...
The fly in the barn
There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground.
As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to
take flight. Unfortunately, he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor.
Dead.
The moral to the story is:
Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shit.
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Age: 54
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Wow!!!
These jokes have been quite entertaining!!!
Here's one..... 
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
G rilled Republican: $100.00
Baked Democrat: $250.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, “Why such a price difference for the Politicians?”
The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning.”
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Age: 54
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A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,
“We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.”
The bartender says again, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear goes to the end of the bar and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states yet again, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings that are on drugs.”
The bear says, “I’m not on drugs.”
The bartender says, “You are now, that was a Barbitchyouate.”
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Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right.
Mrs Claus had burned all the cookies.
The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had while making the toys.
The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk.
To make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.
Santa was furious.
"I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours - all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little Angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"
Just then, the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. He says "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"
And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass. .......
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Age: 50
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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Age: 50
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1. Question: How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: Let's go ride bikes!!!
2. Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine
sitting by herself :
Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"
Maxine: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."
Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
Maxine: "No, they spread ."
Last edited by rukus on 01.10.2007, 04:05; edited 1 time in total
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| "NUTS" |
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A guy goes to his shrink all wrapped in saran wrap........
The doctor looks at him and says " I can clearly see you're (your) nuts!!!!!!! 
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Age: 73
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This is why women should never take men shopping against their will......
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany
her on her trips to Wal-Mart. :-[
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men -- he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women -- she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are <
/TT>documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all t he alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares - get on it right away." 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put <
a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed , "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least, 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
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| (No subject) |
Age: 50
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1. How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
Give her a shovel.
2. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, "This taste funny to you?"
3. A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
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